How to Respond to Problem People with Grace and Purpose

In every group, whether it's a club, corporation, or church, there are always "problem people" - those who can be irrational, unreasonable, contentious, or legalistic. Their words may wound us deeply, and their actions often leave us bewildered. So how do we, as followers of Christ, respond to such individuals?

The early Christian church was not immune to these challenges. Despite our tendency to idealize it, the New Testament is replete with accounts of discord and contention. The church in Corinth, for instance, grappled with division, arguments over leadership, rampant divorce, lack of love, and disagreements over spiritual gifts. These issues sound strikingly familiar to our modern ears, reminding us that human nature hasn't changed much over the millennia.

But why do such problems persist among redeemed people? As the Puritan writer John Trapp astutely observed, "The devil loves to fish in troubled waters." Satan delights in exploiting and amplifying any conflict or disagreement among believers. C.S. Lewis, in his insightful work "The Screwtape Letters," vividly illustrates this strategy from the perspective of a senior demon instructing his protégé:

"My dear Wormwood, the church is a fertile field if you keep them bickering over details, structure, money, property, personal hurts, and misunderstandings. One thing you must prevent: don't ever let Christians look up and see the banner of victory flying because you will lose them. Never let them see the glory of God."

In the face of such spiritual warfare, how can we maintain our joy and purpose? The Apostle Paul provides us with a powerful example in his letter to the Philippians. Writing from prison, Paul confronts a situation where some believers are preaching Christ out of envy, strife, and selfish ambition, hoping to add to his afflictions. Yet, his response is both surprising and instructive.

Paul outlines a three-fold strategy for dealing with problem people:

Identify the troublemakers: Paul doesn't shy away from recognizing those who are causing issues. He notes that they are envious, contentious, selfish, and even malicious. These are believers who are doing the right thing (preaching Christ) but with the wrong motives. They see ministry as a competition and Paul as their rival.

Affirm the truth-makers: Paul quickly pivots to acknowledge those who preach Christ out of goodwill and love. He chooses to focus on the "white linen" rather than the "smudge," reminding us to seek out and affirm those who are like-minded and supportive of God's work.

Magnify the true message: Most importantly, Paul refuses to let the actions of others steal his joy. His response? "What then? Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is preached. And in this I rejoice, yes, and will rejoice" (Philippians 1:18). Paul recognizes that the power of the gospel lies in the message, not the messenger.

This perspective is profoundly liberating. It frees us from the need to defend ourselves and instead calls us to defend and proclaim the gospel. Paul understood that God reserves the right to use people we disagree with - and even those who disagree with us - to advance His kingdom.

The key is to keep our focus on Christ and His message. When we do this, even problem people cannot rob us of our joy or derail our mission. As Paul demonstrates, it's possible to rejoice despite our critics and because of our partners in the gospel.

This doesn't mean that Paul was impervious to criticism or hurt. He was deeply human, with real emotions and feelings. But he made a conscious choice not to let "mean people" rob him of his joy. Instead, he found reason to rejoice in the fact that, regardless of motive, the message of Christ was being spread.

It's crucial to note that Paul's tolerance was for impure motives, not for false doctrine. When faced with those who distorted the gospel message itself, he was uncompromising: "But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let them be under God's curse!" (Galatians 1:8)

This balanced approach teaches us to be discerning about the content of the gospel while being gracious about the motives of those who preach it. It reminds us that we often make too much of what divides us as believers and not enough of what unites us.

In our own lives, we will inevitably encounter problem people, even within the church. Some may serve out of envy, contention, or selfish ambition. Their words and actions may sting. But like Paul, we can choose to refuse to let their motives rob us of our joy and our mission.

Instead, we can affirm those who serve Christ in love and rejoice that Christ is being proclaimed. Because ultimately, it's not about the critics. It's not even about us. It's about Jesus and His message going forward.

As we navigate the challenges of dealing with difficult people, let's remember Paul's example. Let's identify the troublemakers without becoming obsessed with them. Let's affirm and encourage those who serve with pure motives. And above all, let's keep our focus on magnifying the true message of Christ.

In doing so, we'll find that even in the midst of conflict and criticism, we can maintain our joy, our purpose, and our effectiveness in sharing the love of Christ with a world that desperately needs it. For when we keep Christ at the center, no problem person can steal the joy and purpose He has given us